just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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