We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize