Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What a dumb baby whore.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
