She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
