Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's blow job season.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
