If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
