so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
