How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
