If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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