so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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