i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i need some magic done to my vagina
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
