U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the day after is always just damage control
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
