I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
