You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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