oh god the rape fog is back!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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