Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
