i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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