i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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