At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
