Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
