If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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