Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
