I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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