Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
