Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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