I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
