Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
