I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Are we still banned from the library?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You need a sexual gate keeper
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
