she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I touched a dick in church today
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
