Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's get the cat blown out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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