It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
