Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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