He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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