Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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