I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
