he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
