also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
