Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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