last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sober January is a disaster.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize