I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
