dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i think i just lost a toe
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
