he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
