Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
