why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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