Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
