Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
