I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
