Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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