I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
