id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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