Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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