I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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