I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That accounts for only three of the penises
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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