You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
