There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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