It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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