I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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