Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
