I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i already hear my dad disowning me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
