Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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