I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
