About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
