Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
