Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize