My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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