I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
