You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Welp...herpes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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