He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We are two peas in an std pod
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
