know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
