Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
