I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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