I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
