Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I need to stop coming to work sober
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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