please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
