The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
