Your face is a jimmy john
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize