you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
