There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
