Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
