Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
