my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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