Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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