apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
