I'm so fucking centered right now
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
