some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize