my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
