She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i will never coherently bang her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
